At his feet, by his
grace................
Master was quiet. There was an air of discomfort
in the atmosphere. There was no sign of any discomfiture about him though.
Getting disturbed is my forte! The old clock’s pendulum was swinging. If merry
could be monotonous, that was it. The ‘tick’ ‘tick’ noise was thick and a
little sore, lending it a status of all knowing ancientness. I was wondering whether my heartbeat would synchronize with it. My
beat was erratic while the ‘tick’ was mercilessly metric precise. I was going
over in my mind what transpired between us that evening inside that small but
spacious front room.
I had asked him time and again about controlling
the mind. He had told me not to analyze thoughts but simply watch them. A man
with an agitated mind and who is essentially a fool, venturing to consider
himself as wise, cannot settle down for such an ‘uninspiring’ reply. On various
occasions, he did explain to me that the very nature of the mind is movement;
therefore, trying to arrest it is not only futile but counter productive; this
is exactly why all mind control methods that a million books speak of are
miserable flops; mind is no entity; unless consciousness is recognized and its
vastness and intricacies understood, there is no way anyone can hope to quell
the mind.
To a specific question, he had answered that the
origin of breath is the brain; it is not that correct to say that brain is the
organ of the mind; rather, mind is the function of the brain; thus, the
correlation between mind and breath can be understood; breathing,
unfortunately, is not optional; that explains why mind cannot be put to rest;
that means mind control is a misnomer.
But then, did he not also speak to me about “mental
silence” and tell me that “absence of noise is not silence; silence is absence
of mind.”
If you pounce on a word, not allowing it to sink in
and do what it might, you are bound to spin a web and you would be pathetically
caught in it. Confused thus, I complained to him angrily that I was not able to
control my mind. Master, gentle as a flower outside, Gibraltar inside and
indescribable beyond, thought that it was high time he trained his gun on me:
“You are giving life to a clay doll. You are
wrestling with your own shadow. The others cannot see it. Your body is
besmeared with sand. You are bruised all over. You present a pathetic sight.”
Sir, what can I do? The thought of the body drags
me down?
“The body is not holding you. You are holding the
body. Drop it! Now!,” he showed the fire in his eyes.
Oh, it is easier said than done..
“Why? Is it so difficult to get over nature?”
Ah, you can say all that Sir. Only the wearer knows
where the shoe pinches…
“Why are you thinking you are in the body? Why
don’t you understand that the body is in you?”
Something in me was thrilled to hear this.
Something hit my intellect very hard. Unable to balance this contrast, I shut
up, head bent, heart unfurling. It was during this quaint quietitude that the
Master turned away his face; his chin was more up than usual; he chose to go
through all the junk mail meticulously; would surf channels in the t.v. He got
up to look into the Homeo medicine chest. I knew he was watching me. In an
unrealized sense, I cannot be away from him; in stark reality, he cannot be
without me!
What is mind, after all? It is not a being. If the
brain is ticking, there is consciousness. If I am conscious, I think. To be
truthful, all the while I am tossed by thoughts; occasionally I do think. When
I am tossed, there is no peace. When I think calmly, there is no confusion,
even when I do not know what would happen and how it could end. When I think of
a garden, I feel pleasant. When I dwell on uncertainty, I become unstable. So,
silence is not shutting up. It is engaging in useful thoughts that might
fructify; participating in action that is useful; entertaining an outlook that
is positive; holding on to truth as I know and hear it.
From my childhood, I repeatedly see a vivid picture
in my mind. It is similar to the replay of a video clipping. For, its contents
have not undergone any change during the last forty years. A somewhat overcast
afternoon; or light is filtered by the canopy of trees; a jungle brook,
giggling all the way; an old but sprightly tree; leaning on its broad trunk is
an angler; he is sitting or crouching or slouching, one cannot determinedly
say; perhaps, his straw hat diffuses the attention on the lines of his body;
the edge of the right side of his lip is visible and a smile brewing there; a
smile that bespeaks of contentment and self mockery; he has thrown in his line;
he does not stir; no, he is not tense at all; like the rod that he holds is
straight by its design, he is effortlessly still; the river moves on, having
swallowed his movements; the pattern of the course of the water is so unceasing
that it seems to have stilled him; he does not look beyond; he does not even
appear to look at anything; he has thrown in the line and has stayed put.
Master brought this childhood vision back to me. I
have not grown. Learning is what you acquire. You learn, when things drop off.
Burden cannot be knowledge. Ease alone is. Concepts that were once very dear
that I clung on have left, or stealthily destroyed by this unassuming bundle of
mischief who is my Master. I know some more bricks would be brought down in due
course!
All right, he has asked me to watch my thoughts and
not try to control them. Now I remember, he also told me how:
“You are standing at a threshold. A huge column of
water is falling. What should you do? Wait! If you stretch your finger, you
will be wet all over.”
I understand Sir but what about bad thoughts?
“Why, what about them I say? Any opinion is another
thought. Remain indifferent to the quality of your thoughts. Do not interfere
with them. Do not try to correct them. But, watch without any let up, without
any thought about the thought.”
When we watch, the thoughts somehow lose their
pace. When things slow down, that itself provides an unprecedented relief. When
we watch, the gap between one thought and another widens. The relentless
assault by countless bees is replaced by a gentle counting of the rosary beads.
When we watch, the quality of the thought itself improves, turning to be
positive, genuine and noble. “The presence of positive thoughts is the first
step; absence of negative thoughts is the vital step,” he would firmly remind.
When we watch, “a strange de-linking takes place inside you.” We feel different
from our body mind complex with which we had totally identified ourselves so
far. When we watch, our functional efficiency increases manifold, contrary to
the popular fears that we would become useless zombies.
At his feet, by his
grace................2
The comments by friends inspired me to add a few
more lines:
Master was mixing his homeopathy medicine for
someone. He must have given medicines free, to thousands. Though his back was
towards me, he greeted me in his characteristic manner, "Enaappa! enna
samaachaaram?"
I was standing restless as ever. He was, still
as ever. "You know my father was very
particular about the number of pills. See, if you have to give seven globules,
it does not matter if it is eight. But he wouldn't agree! His sharp eyes never
failed to observe a mistake. 'Eight is not seven,' he would say!" Master
smiled enchantingly as usual.
You have spoken to me at length about how to deal
with the mind. Is there a practice that I can do without difficulty?
Smile again. Six, seven globules later, he said,
"Observe yourself," and sealed the two dram small bottle.
"Just observe, without interfering with the
flow or quality of your thoughts. Do not entertain any opinion about the nature
of your thoughts thereby creating yet another identity! And, do not come and
ask me, 'who is observing whom?' and all that! Just observe."
Is that all?
Raising his left eyebrow a little, the Master
replied, "Yes, that is all! But remember, Tapas is a 24 hours
business!" and bade me good bye.
That is all. We have to be at it all the while.
Instead of lamenting 'I forget, I fail" etc., just try to go back to the
practice. It will do the rest! Rest in peace!
Love,
Ramanan
At his feet, by his
grace................3
In walked a contractor –
politician – conman all rolled into one. Showing utter disregard for the people
who were waiting and sporting an arrogant smile, he barged in, addressing the
Master in a loud voice. Not perturbed but amused, he received him gently and
enquired about his welfare. Quite a while passed before this man came out,
impressed that he had impressed the Master! Waiting outside, we could only hear
this man’s high decibels, occasional murmurs which were louder and a few soft
words and mono syllables of the Master.
Not a day passes without someone,
no, quite a number of people like this drop in -- Vedic scholars, NRIs,
Professors, professionals and many who belong to the higher echelons of the
society. Most of them are imposers. They eat away humble devotees’ time and the
energy of the Master.
I walked in. Master picked up a
morning newspaper. He could not pretend reading it for long. Nor did he bother
to suppress a mischievous smile that was emerging. I was looking at him, my
head boiling with angst. Instead of waiting for me to pour out, he simply said,
“They come all the way to listen to me. And, they do all the talking!!” and lit
up the hall with the light of his brilliant laughter! We joined him in that
merriment and forgot everything else.
He has never imposed anything on
anyone! Yes, when people seek his advice, he would offer solutions with all love
and sincerity. When a seeker solicits his help, he would suggest some practice
which will be suitable to the seeker’s sub conscious. But, he never followed
up. He would never ask whether people followed his advice or implemented his
suggestions.
More importantly, he never
suggests any change in one’s lifestyle. He believes in self discipline.
All these not only reflect the
high degree of civility he is synonymous with but also proves that what the
seeker wants to achieve is what will be given by him! So why suggest a change
at all which is irrelevant in the first place?!
I have seen him coming down on
someone, raising his index finger authoritatively and giving a never easily
forgettable reprimand, only when he notices impropriety. However, when the same
person seeks his help, the past information will not create any bias in his
loving mind. If you seek, you should be given help. He never remembers, does
not follow up, would not make any claims about the million blessings that he
has been showering on people all over the globe.
In this context, I learnt a very
good lesson from the Master. I am yet to master that but I have realised its
worth and necessity and have been striving to follow it. What is that lesson?
Do not
talk to someone or anyone about his/her faults.
Why?
It may seem as a fault or folly
to you. It may not exist in the person concerned. Or the person may look at it
as his/her strength and could be quite comfortable with it!
You may wonder, does not
friendship make it necessary to say such things so that the person can take
care? Very good thought no doubt, but, very rarely it is well received.
No one
wants to hear anything bad. No one wants a criticism. People even resent a well
meant comment as interference. Each one to his destiny, why should you bother?
You may call it genuine concern
or love but it will be looked as over enthusiasm or going overboard or even
impropriety!! If you look at the following possible fallouts, you will
understand what I mean:
Stage 1
The resent created by your
‘criticism’ will make the person show you a distance which you have not come
across in that relationship before. Remember, people always show distance, it
is up to us to maintain it!!
Stage 2
The person will start suspecting
that you have much more to say but you have withheld. That would hurt the
person’s ego more and that will make the person introduce certain unannounced
changes in the relationship dynamics.
Stage 3
The person will start justifying
the aspects that you have pointed out and also those which you have not pointed
out!!
Stage 4
The person will start listing out
your faults. Gently to start with, vigorously soon!
Stage 5
Oh, this is interesting. What the
person has seen in you as plus points will suddenly start appearing as faults
in the person’s eyes!
Enough?
Why am I sharing this with you? I
have a feeling that I have committed many, many mistakes in my life – including
the one under discussion. I also feel I have committed mistakes on your behalf
too!! So, my plea is that you need not repeat them but take my lesson instead!
Whenever it happened, it was bitter. Once you stabilize, it turns sweeter.
The wounds were sore and painful
no doubt. But then, when you caress the scars, isn’t there a gentle smile
unfurling on your lips?
There are
very few who are prepared to listen to criticism or even a friendly advice.
There are very few who seek it. I have no hesitation in saying I am one such. I
would vouch that this has been the reason for my enjoying impersonal love in
abundance in my heart, which is devoid of hatred or ill will or regret.
So, when I asked the Master,
‘Sir! How could you praise that fellow whom even we know, is a crook?’
The great Master would say, “Ah!
If I visit your home and ask you for a glass of water, won’t you give me?
That’s all about it!”
Boosting one’s ego, pulling the samskaras and making the ego collapse is
the Master’s way of finishing a person or preparing him for the inner journey.
“The ego falls, because it is false!!” he would say and laugh!
I cannot pull the draw of
someone’s samskaras. I have quite a
lot of them for the Master to handle!!
I know I can do the first part
very well. I have a lot of water to offer!
